He was losing himself.

He could feel it within every fiber of his being. The performances, interviews, photo shoots, constant recognition. All of it was getting to him, and he could feel himself slowly slipping away. Changing so subtly that so few noticed.

Though all of Big Bang might not have noticed it right off the bat, they certainly noticed now, and it was straining his relationship with Ji Yong.

The leader often waited for him, waited as long as his patience would allow, but it seemed that the more Tae Yang appeared, the less Ji Yong was willing to wait.

He tried. He tried so hard to let the real him shine through, to allow who he was, who he could sometimes be, dominate, but the truth of the matter was that he was weak and oh so tired. Tae Yang had the strength to do performances, photo shoots, variety shows, radio shows alone and with the group, all in one day. But Tae Yang lacked the strength and stamina.

Though he hated to admit it, especially to himself or Ji Yong, he really did need to be Tae Yang in order to keep moving through his busy life.

When Tae Yang first started rearing his head, he was only silenced when around the rest of the group. Dong Young Bae was a member of Big Bang, though it had been how Tae Yang came into creation.

But now, the five young men were so spread out and separated from one another, that there was simply no time to be Young Bae anymore. Each had his own project, his own commitment, and though Ji Yong seemed to choose his more freely than the others, he had began to choose to be away from Young Bae more and more.

No, not Young Bae.

Tae Yang.

“Hyung,” Seung Ri started silently, noting how the older boy was deep in thought, no doubt reflecting how much they had all changed since their debut. He had seen the pensive look on the singer’s face before, one he wore whenever he wasn’t performing.

Today it was only Seung Ri and Young Bae in the apartment, as the others had their own projects to take care of. At first, the elder didn’t hear the maknae’s silent start, but when Seung Ri spoke once more, Yonug Bae glanced over his shoulder and attempted to smile reassuringly at his dongsaeng and flashed him with a small peace sign.

In that instant, Seung Ri was able to see what Ji Yong had been muttering and complaining about for weeks now. At first, he simply thought that his hyung was jealous of the fact that Young Bae’s fans got to see more of his boyfriend than he did, but seeing his hyung he could see the case was very different from that.

Had Young Bae always been so exhausted after their debut?

He cocked his head to one side, still studying the older boy carefully. “Hyung,” he started once more, “are you alright? You’re looking really exhausted.”

Just as Young Bae parted his lips to respond, his mobile phone began to ring. Smiling an apology to the youngest, he quickly answered, “Hello? Oh, hyung..”

The tone in his voice changed as well as his expression. Suddenly, Young Bae wasn’t so tired anymore. Suddenly, he wasn’t even Young Bae anymore. The transformation had taken place so quickly that had Seung Ri blinked, he swore he would have missed it.

A casual smirk played across Tae Yang’s face as he nodded, “I’ll be there quickly if that’s the case, but only because I’m such a nice guy.” With a quick parting, he closed the mobile phone and slipped it into his pocket. He quickly stood from where he was seated and hurried to his room, only to come out in a completely different outfit topped with a hat that Seung Ri didn’t think suit him very well. He liked the non-performance hats better on his hyung.

“Ya, maknae,” Tae Yang said without sparing much of a glance to Seung Ri, “I’m heading out for a while. Let the others know I’ll most likely be out late.” With that said, he vanished through the door, leaving Big Bang’s baby confused.

Maknae?

Young Bae addressed him by name, unlike Tae Yang he supposed.

The others? When had ‘the guys’ become ‘the others’? Were they in some sort of horror movie and Seung Ri had just failed to notice?

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, reaching for his own mobile and dialing the first number that came to mind. When the person he wanted answered, the youngest hesitated momentarily before muttering into the receiver, “Hyung, Tae Yang’s going to be late tonight, and I don’t think Young Bae will be around for a while.”

* * *

Ji Yong didn’t even want to hear the rest of what Seung Ri was going to say and quickly hung up his phone before turning it completely off. “That bastard,” he growled in frustration.

Dae Sung, only several feet away, glanced at his friend in leader in concern, “Hyung?”

“Nothing, Dae,” Ji Yong attempted to calm himself a bit, but it was difficult. His lover was slipping away and he didn’t know what to do about it. “It’s nothing.”